You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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