dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
