Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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