What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
