smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
