yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
