So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
