so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
