Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
