finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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