and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
