I will die if light touches me.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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