it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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