I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
he quoted the bible to break up with me
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
