He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
