So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
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