Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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