We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
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