I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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