definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
