I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
