Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
