I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
