How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Pants are for mortals
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
