I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
