I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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