I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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