six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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