I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
