sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
