why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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