plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
