normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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