Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
