omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I supernannyed him into submission
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
