Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
