I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
