Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
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