i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
thus making me awesome and them whores
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Randomize
