I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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