it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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