would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
