birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
