not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
