Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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