Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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