Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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