she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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