The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
