I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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