At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
