I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
