you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize