I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
