I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
