No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
