i was rollin on her like bob the builder
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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