Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
