wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
then he tried to convert me to islam
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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