woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
