Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
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