i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
