i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
