Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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