Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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