come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize