$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
