meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
