dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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