I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize