summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
